I have been reading an e book called If I Could Go Back.  It is a collection of interviews with coaches, speakers and writers about the lessons they learned along the way. It’s a free download that is worth looking at if you do any writing, speaking or coaching.

One of the contributors said: “You have to have a brand and a voice. You cannot be vanilla. You have to be willing to both attract AND repel people. You should be pissing people off, otherwise you’re not evoking emotion. People will filter themselves.”

The whole idea of not editing myself but letting people filter themselves resonates with me. How often have you ever adjusted your message for your audience so that they will be more comfortable with you.  Is it you they are more comfortable with in the end? Or is it your filtered self that they are drawn to?  And if it is your filtered self do you have to continue filtering to keep them comfortable? It can become a real point of tension after a while.  You can lose your voice.

So, here’s to Jamoca Almond Fudge – I’m swearing off vanilla!

I recently purchased an item on ebay. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the delivery time and the item wasn’t quite what I expected.  In a moment of frustration I decided to leave ‘feedback’.  Negative feedback.

After I filled out the form I was taken to the next page which said, “You are about to leave negative feedback. This can’t be reversed.  Please consider the following and check all the boxes before you continue:

_ I have contacted or tried to contact the seller to resolve issues.

_ I have allowed enough time for the item to arrive.

_ My comment is factual and avoids personal remarks.

I had not tried to contact the seller to resolve issues.  I immediately sent an email and the seller said to me, “I am really sorry about this. I didn’t mean to mislead in any way and if I did then I blew it.  Keep the item and I’ll refund your money.”  Wow!  Was I satisfied? Absolutely.

I started thinking about how often I leave feedback – but not with the right person, not at the right time and not without making it personal.

From now on I want to stop and ask myself:

_ Have I contacted this person to try and resolve the issue?

_ Have I allowed enough time for the person to resolve the situation?

_Am I going to say something factual without personal remarks.

Imagine how different our communities would be if  we were stopped and asked these questions before we commented on anyone.  What a safe place it would be if we could admit we failed and make it right.  I’m challenged to be more careful about feedback. It can’t be reversed.

I just finished a two day coaching workshop. It was quite helpful. I went in feeling pretty confident in my knowledge of coaching. I’ve been coached and coaching for about five years.

During that time I’ve worked with some amzing coaches and had some ‘aha’ moments.

When you break it down though coaching is a  bit of an art. The skill of listening deeply and being able to focus on another person intently takes an ability to be present in the moment.  It takes a lot of experience to excel in this field.

As part of my practicum I’ll need to coach three people for a few sessions. If you are interested let me know. I’d love to share the journey with you.