Monthly Archives: June 2009

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The Voices In My Head

Last week I had a conversation with my six year old nephew about his final championship hockey game.  I said to him, “So tomorrow night is your last game!”  He replied with all the enthusiasm of a little boy, “Yeah! And we’re going to win!” Then without missing a beat he added, “I hope we win.  We might not win.  Do you think we’ll win?”

I was actually speechless for a minute when I realized what had just happened.  It was so obvious – the childish enthusiasm and desire to win was already being silenced by the voice in his head.  The voice that says, “You might not win, you better make sure you cover your bases here so you aren’t disappointed and don’t be so confident about winning.”

I’ve been thinking about it all week and I’ve been paying more attention to the voice in my head as well.  The voice that tells me that things might not work out as well as I hope so I better lower my expectations and keep quiet about my desire to win.

I met with a friend who is struggling with self-imposed limitations. As we walked through a coaching session together she talked about how her whole life has followed a pattern of making the safe choice.  In an effort to avoid failure, she has mapped out a career that leaves her empty.  She is working hard to silence the voices in her head that tell her that failure is the worst thing that could happen.  She is replacing them with her own voice, a voice that challenges the limiting thoughts.  And she is ready to fail if that is what it takes.

I don’t know what the voices in your head are saying.  I do know that they start young and they are persistent.   The good news is they can be challenged.

My nephew’s team won their championship game.  They got the gold.  I’m  hoping that win helps him to hear the voice of possibility and victory.

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Best Wishes

My post today is part of a larger initiative of more than 60 bloggers all sharing their thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’.  You can check out the other links at:  www.btgproject.blogspot.com.

Twenty six years ago the issue of gay marriage was on the table for me.  It was my own wedding and I had a gay friend make my dress and a lesbian bridesmaid in my wedding party. My wedding and the need for me to get married to validate my relationship with my then fiancé was an ongoing discussion with the three of us.  Neither of my two friends thought getting married was the right thing to do but they both participated in my wedding and supported my decision.  They wished me the very best and one even sent a bottle of champagne to our honeymoon suite in Florida.  Although I knew they would have preferred I make a different choice, their support, like the support of all my friends, mattered to me.  I was making a vow that would require more than my own determination to make it work. I needed community. And my gay friends were willing to be part of that community even as they questioned my choice.

I understand the desire to declare your commitment to your loved one in a formal ceremony. Whether or not I think it is the right thing doesn’t take away from that. As a Christian I live with that tension.

Flash forward to last week. I was purchasing a gift for my husband for Father’s Day. In a conversation with the sales clerk he mentioned that he had just moved to Toronto from San Francisco. I asked him the stock question, “Was it love or money that brought you here?”  He beamed when he responded, “It was love. I moved here to get married to a very special guy.”  I welcomed him to Canada and then I wished him the very best.  And I do.

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One Week

I watched the movie One Week this past weekend.   If you haven’t heard of it here is a synopsis of the movie:

When a young man is confronted with his mortality, he takes a cross-country road trip on a vintage motorcycle. One Week tells the story of Ben Tyler (Joshua Jackson), in his mid-twenties, who flees from the confines of his life—an impending marriage, a job he’s not entirely happy with and a recent diagnosis—in order to attempt to live more fully.

I wanted to see the movie because it is set in Canada and having travelled and lived around this great country I was curious to see this road trip.  And I loved Saint Ralph which was also directed by Michael McGowan.

After watching the movie I found myself thinking about what I would do if I had one week to live.  I haven’t been thinking about the big stuff – I’m pretty clear on that.  I’ve been thinking about some of the little things.  The conversations I would or wouldn’t have with people.  Would I say some of the things I’m saying if that was the last thing I’d say to someone?  Would I see people differently?  Would I blog?

I’m pretty sure I’d throw a week long party/open house if I knew I had one week left. I’d want everyone and anyone to drop by for a focused conversation.  The word is powerful, healing, lasting, bonding and binding.

So what would you do?

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Sleepless on Father’s Day

I found myself  unable to sleep tonight. I’ve been awake for about an hour and thinking about Father’s Day.  Last night I went out with a friend who is having her first Father’s day since the death of her husband. Her ten year old son was quite concerned how they would spend the day and they are spending it surrounded by friends and family both male and female who love them and will do their best to fill in the gaps left by the loss of a dad.

My husband was meeting with a group of men yesterday that get together mostly to pray and support each other. He said that as they talked about their lives the theme of father issues kept coming up. Either issues as they father their own children or issues with their fathers.  We all know the importance of a father in a child’s life and the persistent issues that come from not having a positive male role model.

I’m thankful for my husband and the great father he has been to our children.  For a man who lost his father when he was five years old and grew up with a mom and a sister being a dad is something he has taken quite seriously.  He has been a good dad and more importantly a praying dad.

Our kids are now young adults, making their own choices and finding their own way.  It’s difficult to step back as parents when you know that those choices are not the best ones for them.  It keeps this mom sleepless on Father’s Day.

And ultimately on this Father’s Day, I am reminded that no matter what is going on I can rest in this: Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow.

All of us have the opportunity to experience the love of a Father.