“I’m sorry if I offended you.” Really? That’s an apology? So, if I’m not offended by your actions then you’re not sorry? Is your apology based on how I feel or on what you did?
How about: “Please forgive me for offending you when I lied to you about (fill in the blank).”
Let’s start 2010 out by focusing our conversations on being truthful in what we are saying. You are either sorry your actions have hurt someone or you are not remorseful at all. How they feel about it has nothing to do with it.
Excellent word!
I have been cleaning up a mess in 2 relationships with people I really care about.
In the first case, it was all about me apologising for lying about a gift of fruit cake (of all things). Although my offense was about 20 years old, it was eating at me alive. The decision to be vulnerable and willing to accept the potential wrath of an old friend felt oddly good. An apology was the right thing to do. I knew the person was totally oblivious to my guilt but at the end of the sincere apology, there was no longer was a block from me to her and the relationship was restored.
The other person berated me for my not saying, “thank you” for a kindness she had done for my sibling 4 years ago. She had not spoken to me since then. It took the recent death of a mutual friend for her to contact me to let me know how hurt she was. I apologised for causing her pain but whether we continue in a relationship remains unknown.
Marta, There is no question about it being a peacemaker is tough work. The effort you are putting in to clean up these relationships is worth it no matter what the outcome. Restoration is great and it is good to hear one has moved that way. I’m trying to keep myself moving in this direction with people who hurt me. It some times takes a lot of effort to even be willing to have the conversation. Thanks for your comments.