Conflict can be nasty. It hurts the people involved and it hurts the people drawn into it. During times of conflict clear communication becomes more and more challenging. Within family and organizational systems conversations that are repeated with the intention of clarifying issues frequently make the truth in a situation more obscure.  Each retelling of a conversation is like a copy of a copy – less clear than the one before.

People often resort to the cliché ‘you see one side of the story and I see the other, the truth is in the middle.’  Not necessarily.  One person may be closer to the truth.  Both parties can in the wrong.  To think it lies in the middle is simplistic.  The root of conflict is deeper than the situation we are in – it reaches into our past, our beliefs about each other, it can include feelings of betrayal and our understanding of God.  We may not even understand ourselves why we are as upset as we are – and yet we somehow think we can communicate it to someone else with clarity.

I think we should limit our conversations.  I know for a blog on communication that might seem odd but really more words don’t help – especially if it was our conversations that led to the conflict to begin with.

If you find yourself immersed in a conflict right now take a day off talking about it.  If you really need to process it center your conversation around this question: ‘Where have I made mistakes in this situation?’ You can’t resolve anything unless you are willing to get the log out of your eye.  Once we do that, grace flows.