Category Archives: Decisions

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The Real Me

This summer I returned to school When I was doing the residency for my MA this summer, one of the faculty asked me the question, “What would it take for the real you to show up?“  I was taken aback by this question. The context was a discussion we were having about my realization that my personal values didn’t line up with the corporate values of a client. As time went on I was feeling more and more tension with this client and wanted to make a decision.

Her question has stuck with me.  I find myself asking it over and over again.  In recent years I have spent a lot of time showing up for other people, showing up how I think other people want me to show up and avoiding showing up as me altogether. Some where along the way I got the idea that to say what I want and to focus on who I am was selfish.  I’ve made some big decisions since my residency. I am bringing closure to some areas of my life.  I realize some relationships are not allowing me to flourish.  I need to find a way for the real me to show up.  Is that selfish?  I don’t know.  Is it honest?  Yes.

This year has been about change and transition.  I’ve been blessed with an opportunity to step out of a sub-culture that was suffocating me.  I’ve been able to have a TOOT (time out of time) to really think about who I am and where I am going and how to walk with integrity.  It’s really easy to get caught up in doing things just because you don’t want to let other people down or for them to think less of you.  If I am only showing a part of myself then thinking less of me might be threatening.  If I show up authentically and you think less of me – well, that’s OK.  At least you made the decision on something that was true.

“Above all, do not appear to others what you are not.” – Robert E. Lee

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The 4-Hour Workweek

I have to admit it – the title of this book got my attention.  So when a friend gave it to me to read I was skeptically intrigued.  At just a little over the half way point I have noted some things I will try.  I’m not sure I’ll ever get to a four hour work week but I’m no Timothy Ferriss!

All things about vision attract me these days and I really liked what Ferriss had to say about vision:

Most people will never know what they want…”What do you want?” is too imprecise to produce a meaningful and actionable answer.  Forget about it.  “What are your goals?” is similarly fated for confusion and guesswork.

Instead he suggests the question you and I need to ask is, “What would excite me?”

There’s another way of looking at vision.  What would excite you?  Make a list of five things that you find exciting.  Add that to your vision thinking.

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Stability – A Great Idea!

I watched the trailer for this new book called The Wisdom of Stability.   I love what the author says. It is a philosophy we’ve tried to live by in our family.  I haven’t said much here about our current journey.  Being uprooted (to keep with the image of the book cover) has been tough for us.  Not everyone embraces the wisdom of stability.   We live in a world where the sparkle of the new can be a relentless temptation.  We want new leaders, new visions, new cars, new furniture and new clothes.

We lose so much though when we walk away (or push away) prematurely.  The physical, emotional and spiritual waste pollutes our external and internal landscapes. Damaged relationships can be like toxic landfill sites – out of sight and out of mind.

We are staying put where we are until we know with certainty that it is the right time to move. Our small community of faithful friends and family are walking with us providing us with a sense of stability during this time of transition.

I’ve ordered this book and I will write about it when I’ve finished reading it.  Meanwhile – stay put.

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Alice in Womanland

Watching Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland reminded me of the challenges many women face.  Alice must decide whether to conform to the expectations of society or be herself.
I loved the metaphor of size in this movie.   Initially Alice can’t quite get the ‘size’ issue right. She gets small to get into places and to make herself invisible to threats.  She makes the right choice in the situation given her lack of confidence in being Alice.  She then goes for the larger than life persona.  A little more in your face and certainly worth trying given the situation.

However, as the movie progresses she understands that she doesn’t need to make herself bigger or smaller to be who she is.  At the end
she  slays the real dragon – the box that she is clearly too big to squeeze into. She just needs to be Alice.

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Is it a Wall or a Fence?

In an article called When Teams Can’t Decide published by the Harvard Business Review the author (Bob Frish) discusses testing fences and walls.   In decision making we often get shut down because of the apparent constraints in a situation.  Although the boundaries might be real we can ask the question whether is a wall, which can’t be moved or a fence, which can.

Recently I’ve been in a situation where a boundary has been presented as a wall.  It really is a fence and although it may be difficult to move it I am confident it can be moved.  I’m looking forward to some conversations about walls and fences.  Let’s move the fences!